diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
index 18e99ca..b098ae1 100644
--- a/README.md
+++ b/README.md
@@ -12,8 +12,44 @@ alive on ANY budget!
 
 You can tell the quality difference! Our equipment has up to THREE
 TIMES as many layers of duct tape as the UAC's competing equivalent,
-forming a sturdier, tougher seal than any so-called "actual machine
-shop" could ever hope to achieve.
+forming a sturdier, tougher seal than any so-called "actual
+well-funded machine shop" could ever hope to achieve.
+
+## Kiri's Gretchen Counter
+
+SnekTech is on the bleeding edge of developing modern solutions for
+modern day problems. What is easily the biggest one of those modern
+problems? FRAG ENERGY.
+
+That's right. The stuff floating around in the air, causing your bad
+acne, bad luck, and a strange itchy sensation. It also resurrects the
+dead into horrible monsters.
+
+This revolutionary device can help YOU limit your FRAG ENERGY
+exposure.
+
+Sustainably built from recycled Geiger Counters.
+
+Takes one standard battery.
+
+**WARNING**: This product can expose you to chemicals including
+asbestos, lead, and previously-resurrected human brain matter, which
+are known to the State of California to cause cancer or birth defects
+or other reproductive harm.
+
+### How to use
+
+Loadout code: kgc
+
+Use the Gretchen Counter as an inventory item.
+
+Use the on/off switch (**Fire**) to activate or deactivate the device.
+It will continue to operate as long as it has a battery charge, even
+if it leaves your possession.
+
+The battery may be accessed (**Unload**/**Reload**) by removing the
+rear battery bay panel. *May exhibit erratic behavior if used with a
+low battery.*
 
 ## Kiri's Wiring Bypass Kit
 
@@ -28,7 +64,7 @@ freedom of the end of the level?
 
 Well, have I got the solution for YOU!
 
-### Kiri's Discount Wiring Bypass Kit!
+**Kiri's Discount Wiring Bypass Kit!**
 
 Temporarily restore power to broken electronics (or creepy hellish
 teleporter alien magic things) with this handy dandy kit.
@@ -61,16 +97,16 @@ detection status:
 The LCD indicator can detect the exact nature of the faulty mechanism.
 See appendix D for a list of codes.
 
-Once a faulty mechanism has been located, you may attach a charged
-battery to the mechanism to temporarily restore some functionality to
-it.
+Once a faulty mechanism has been located, you may attach (**Fire**) a
+charged battery to the mechanism to temporarily restore some
+functionality to it.
 
 Note: Some mechanisms cannot be repaired through simple wiring bypass,
 such as doors or elevators, if the damage is on the mechanism itself,
 instead of a switch or other remote activator.
 
 TODO: Remove any language not corporate-aligned, such as "teleporter
-accident" and "mechanism".
+accident", "mechanism", and "Green".
 
 ### Appendix D